Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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