This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Randomize
