All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
