I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
