Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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