dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
