Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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