True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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