Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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