i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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