Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
