i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Randomize