i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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