I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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