if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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