You're a womanizer and a bitch.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
