ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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