Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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