What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
