Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
