I just saw a hot homeless man
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
