Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
