Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Randomize
