Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
