i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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