Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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