lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
