i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
