Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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