i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
