are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
