Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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