I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
