I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
