i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
