He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
