how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
