At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
