He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize