I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
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