Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
