Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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