I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
he fucked my hip out of place.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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