So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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