If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
