there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Randomize
