So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
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