just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
