How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
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