when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
