I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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