You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
