She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
