Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
