I haven't been this sober since birth.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
