If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize