I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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