I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
