I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
my phone needs a breathalizer
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
