The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
