We're like a lot better than the average bears
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
