My first STD was from a foam party
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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