white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
and you fell through a lawn chair
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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