Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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