I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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