What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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