mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
